Even Cave People had Imposter Syndrome, but how do we deal with it in modern day times?
We have all been there, sitting in class or at a work meeting and you start to sweat, heart beats fast and thoughts of “Why am I here? Other people know more than me! How did I even get into this program/company?” You may either overachieve to prove your “worth” or opt out completely. This can be known as Imposter Syndrome.
Imposter Syndrome is not a diagnosis but rather a state of being and feeling that you don’t deserve to be here in school, work and even in a relationship. You may compare yourself to others and take on more than you can to feed the belief that if I just do more than I will get ahead, be the best in the program and have the best job and people will like me! This can lead to feelings of anxiety, depressed mood, burnout, and isolation.
Some signs you may be experiencing Imposter Syndrome
Doubt yourself
Attribute any success to external factors
Think that others will find out you are an imposter or a fraud and may hide your work/feelings/isolate
Continue to take on more tasks, more work, do more in relationships
Compare yourself to others
Spend excessive amount of time going over your work to avoid any mistake
Purpose Of Imposter Syndrome
Our ancestors or cave people (whatever term you prefer) have been hardwired to compare themselves to others as it helped them survive. Imagine you are going to hunt for your food at night and you see another cave person going for the same food. You start to “size them up” Are they bigger than me? Smarter than me? Can I take that person down to get my food? “Nope so I better go back home because that cave person’s muscles ae so much bigger than mine and I have seen them lifting up those heavy rocks down by the cave, they got mad skills! Why did I even try, I am going back to my cave.” In that moment, your survival instincts went up and you made it out safe. Present day we may avoid something or judge ourselves and compare to distract from our uncomfortable feelings, to prove to others or to live up to society’s expectations. It can get in the way of our everyday living.
Society plays a huge role as environments can be competitive, messages of something is wrong with you if you are not attending university, volunteering, networking and know all the answers. This just makes us feel worse! No wonder, our mind is telling us these things as some environments are set up that way. Our families, upbringing, culture, society can give all these messages and make us feel like we are the problem, and we are not enough or don’t deserve to be here. YOU DESERVE TO BE HERE! This affects us on a mental and physical level. Neff (2015) reports that when we are critical of ourselves our cortisol levels rise and have a higher heart rate variability (HRV). Oxytocin, the feel-good hormone, increases and HRV lowers when you are kind and more compassionate towards yourself. Your mind is trying to help you out in the way it knows how but it can always learn a new way. This also means that you have the ability to lower your stress level or lower the volume on that internal imposter.
8 Ways To Deal With Imposter Syndrome
Reflect or write down/draw where these thoughts might be coming from? Whose voice does this remind me of? Then validate, this makes sense my mind is telling me this right now because of x, y, z.
Mindfully shift your attention to the thought without judgment by stating, “I am noticing the imposter thoughts right now.”
Bring common human experience to it, “everyone doubts their abilities from time to time. Other students/co-workers probably have felt similar when finishing a tough assignment/talking to their boss.”
Bring kindness or an affirmation that feels fitting for you. You will know it fits when you feel even a small inner shift towards the thoughts/feelings. “This has been a hard transition for me, and I deserve to be here.”
Accept Recognition from others.
Reward yourself for every little step, achievement and when that little imposter voice comes back in and says, “that was no big deal, you don’t deserve a good job.” Kindly remind that voice that “I know you are just trying to help me not feel embarrassed or protect me from feeling worst about myself but its ok to say you did a good job.” By the way, we all talk to ourselves so it’s totally normal to do this.
Reframe this situation to “wow I am growing and learning, and this may be why I am feeling this way. Whenever we are growing and out of our comfort zone, we may feel like an imposter. This means we are learning and doing something different!
Create and encourage environments of open dialogue, normalize and validate feelings, and allow for mistakes.
If you feel like these thoughts and feelings are getting in the way of your life and taking up a lot of your time, therapy can be a place to help you heal so you don’t have to deal with this alone.
